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Subject:Happy Birthday to me!
Time:02:22 am
Current Mood:tiredtired
No comment. ^_^
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Current Music:The Delgados - The Light Before We Land
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Subject:To sum it all up...
Time:09:48 pm
There is only one word I can say here that can sum up how I feel after that 20 or so mintues on the phone today...

ありがとう...
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Current Music:The Delgados - The Light Before We Land (Gunslinger Girl OP)
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Subject:Hitting it right on the head...
Time:07:16 am
Current Mood:numbnumb
Don't you love it when you find a song that speaks volumes to you? Well, let me share a song that does just this... if you know what is going on and read these lyrics, it all falls into place..

--

The Light Before We Land
The Delgados

In cases such as these I'd like a hand
Don't wake me up without a master plan
With sight and sound becoming fragile
Don't you understand?
When things that once were beautiful
Are bland

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

In truth there is no better place to be
Than falling out of darkness still to see
Without a premonition
Could you tell me where we stand?
I'd hate to lose this light before we land

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us

Before we let euphoria
Convince us we are free
Remind us how we used to feel
Before when life was real

And when I feel like I can feel once again
Let me stay awhile
Soak it in awhile
If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong
Buy a little time
For this head of mine
Haven for us
--
I really recommend this song, for a lot of reasons. If you like give it listen
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Current Music:Utada Hikaru - Letters
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Subject:Wow, I'm damn stupid..
Time:06:21 pm
Current Mood:stubborn
Well, if you couldn't tell already from my last post, I was completely oblivious to the fact that there was something important posted in someone's LJ that was pointed and intended for me. Agh, I wish I had not resisted the urge to read it, even though it was requested that I did... I'm so stubborn sometimes..

But yeah, it was a nice thing to read, and she did seem like she was in a lighter mood last night. Maybe this will open up the communication between the 2 of us, one can only see though.

I don't think I'm going gambling now, told my friends to leave without me. So yeah, if you're reading this, I'm here tonight.

All you have to do is call.

That is something I'd like tonight.. is a call.

Thank you...

~L~
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Current Music:Utada Hikaru - A.S.A.P.
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Subject:Today's a special day..
Time:05:26 pm
Current Mood:calmcalm
*Checks date for what seems like the hundredth time today*

Hmm, wow, February 6th. That is today's date. It is supposed to hold a special meaning, but today didn't really feel special at all, to be honest. Besides it being a very easy day at work, nothing really happened. I was able to buy myself a little present for getting into UW, so that was nice. It's nice to spoil yourself from time to time.

I'm supposed to head out to Jacksonville to go gambling with some buddies this weekend, but since we got off work, it's been pouring rain.. so not sure how that's supposed to go.

Anyways, playing with my new gadget right now, pretty cool stuff. *chuckles*

Hmm, even though I'm really not sure what to think, I can't help but wonder if I even came into her mind during today. Wonder if she knows what today is supposed to be. *Sigh* Well, can't really do anything but wait, like I said I would. She'll come to me when she wants to, its all her decision. All I can do is make sure I convey how I'm feeling. She'll let me know if it is enough though.

Well, time to eat dinner. Yum, chibidogs and salad. XD (yes, I am a sad individual) o.o
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Current Music:Chobits - Katakoto no Koi (Chii Ver.)
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Subject:Breakfast time!
Time:08:24 am
Current Mood:cheerfulcheerful
Just had 2 little travel size thingies of Fruit Loops, haven't had cereal in the longest time! Heh, probably have a cup of chai before I have to head to work in about 40 minutes.

Should be a nice day today, so I'm going to try and maybe drive somewhere (maybe the beach) after work today, just to appreciate the beauty of the world. ^_^

WAHA~!
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Current Music:sound of my own voice
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Subject:Tired...
Time:08:08 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
Had a little better day, a little more productive. But I'm tired, so I think I need to lay down for right now.

*Yawn*
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Subject:Another big step... ?
Time:12:41 am
Current Mood:thoughtfulthoughtful
Well, actually got to talk with her tonight, about several things... not all good, but some of the things I needed to get off my chest and hear from her. Needed to know how she felt about the things that I'm trying to do to make this relationship better.. now that I realize what she wants, I'm trying to give it to her, I know I can because I've done it in the past.

She gave me the answer I needed to hear. I know what I have to do.

I ultimately made her upset again... seems we do that all the time when we talk these days. If you're reading this, I'm sorry. You know what you have to do and I'm not going to stand in the way. I just wish you'd stop torturing yourself and step up. You're strong. Plunge forward, the truth is with you. Just find what you need to know... and if you need me, I'm here.

That's something that hasn't changed.

Aishiteru... Wasurenai yo.
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Current Music:Mahoromatic OST - Clamor! Clamor! Clamor!
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Subject:Today
Time:06:06 pm
Current Mood:hungryhungry
Just got off work, quite frankly, it was a complete waste of a day. Got nothing accomplished, unless you count sleep. We even rolled out to "test" our equipment, which didn't happen. Ugh, could have done so much with that time, oh well.

Hmm, had a virus scare this morning on the comp, had a revert to an OS image I took last Thursday, so lost everything that I didn't back up from there. Wasn't much, but still is a pain. Viruses = Moronic.

Checked my old emails in my box.. namely the ones from Shay when we were first starting to be with one another. The majority of them were from when she was in Japan in 2002. Wow, I didn't think I really knew how much of an influence I have on her, like how I could miss a day of sending her an email and she would completely be torn from it. Of course I noticed it back then, but with everything that's been going on lately, it's more clear to me now. I also noticed the way we spoke to each other in the emails... full of passion, love, want, desire. Everything you could think of that could come up between a boy and a girl so much in love with one another. Now I look at the past few months... and I wonder to myself..

"What happened?"

Wish I had a good answer for that... there are so many things that could have caused this. Then I wonder to myself what I could have done to keep this from happening. Maybe if I had recognized it sooner, perhaps Shay wouldn't be in the predicament she's in now... and things would be fine... or maybe this was inevitable. I don't know.

Everything happens for a reason.

It was nice to look back at all those memories and how much we were in love with each other. Made me smile.. for once, really smile, for what has seemed to be an eternity. Perhaps those day may return again. I want to return to those days, but not be so far away from her. That's what I'm working for, fighting for in May. Again, I don't know.

Everything happens... for a reason...

--

koko ni iru.... koko ni kite.. onegai. wasurenai yo..

daisuki, aishiteru.. soshite aitsu ni aitai...

aishiteru, aishiteru...yo
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Current Music:Mahoromatic - Kaerimichi
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Time:03:58 am
Current Mood:sleepysleepy
-~Kaerimichi~-

Manazahi sotto hitotsu
Dare ni momitsuke kara nuyouni
Funwari jikan da kega nagarete wa kieteku

Nee..
Kitto negai kotoba wa sorea e totodoite
Kou kai mo ami damo omoi de ni naru hazu

Naran de aruita kono michi
Itsuka itsuka koko ni kaette kuruyo
Nani genaki furi mitara
Hora kimi no egao

Shin kokyu sotto hitotsu
Okubyona watashi yurushite
Zutto ittoshoni iruyo souitte yoko muku

Aa...
Kimi to sugoshi takisetsu hido ku kira meite
Mabushikute ni jinde nani mo miena kunaru

Futari de aruite kono michi
Hanautamajiri man maru o tsukisama
Wasurenaiyo itsumo demo
Anoto kino egao

Naran de aruita kono michi
Itsuka itsuka koko ni kaette kuruyo
Kiko e tiru kana koega
Daisuki na kimi e

--

Making one, careful stare
So no one else can see
Only time floats by to pass and disappear

Hey, don't you think
The "wishing word" reaches the sky
Regret and tears wil surely become a memory

This path we walk together
Someday someday, I will return here
If I turn around casually...
See? Your smile

Take one deep breath quietly
Forgive me this cowardice self
I'll be with you forever then I turn to the side

Aa...
The seasons that I spent with you a shinning bright
Dazzling blot... I won't be able to see anything

This path the two of us walked together
There was a full moon with a humming
I won't forget forever
That smile

This path we walked together
Someday, someday I will return here
Is my voice being heard?
To my love

--

Another song that I enjoy listening to, even though I really don't understand all the words. Again, thIs is not a overly popular song and it's an anime OP, but I couldn't care less. I think the beauty of song is part lyrical and part vocal. You could have a song that means nothing, but if given a sweet melody and the light tease of a beautiful voice, it doesn't matter what is being said. If it touches you, that is enough.

"Hayaku koko ni kite, watashi wo dakishimete"
Who are these words for? Who are these feelings for? I wish I knew, but I don't at the same time.

I will sit patiently, waiting though. I try so hard to not want to hear your voice, but I break down... but when I do hear it, I don't know if you want to hear mine. Do you mind that I call so early, or does it make your day even worse. Do you even want that? Should I stop? I'll let you decide.
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[icon] ~motto utsukushii mono~
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